15. Removing "Plastic Clamp Sensor from Just-Purchased Clothing with Common Household Utensil" Competition 

14. Discus Inferno 

13. 666-yard Ass-Luge Down A Razor Blade Into Cold Alcohol 

12. Naked Hot Oil Sumo Wrestling 

11. Marge Schott-Put 

10. Beelzebubsledding 

9. Giant Slalom and Gomorrah 

8. Synchronized Sinning 

7. Men's 500,000,000,000,000,000 Meter Barefoot Speed Skating 

6. Pummel Horse 

5. Mobius Strip "Loogie" Luge 

4. Karla Faye Tucker Pickaxe Toss 

3. Disfigure Skating 

2. Lawyer vs. Insurance Salesman Speed Talking Competition 

AND the Number One Olympic Event in Hell...  

1. Clean 'n' Sober Snowboarding