A Memorial for Jim Behling (1949-2002)

     A memorial was held for Jim Behling on Saturday, May 4, 2002.  Jim was found dead in his apartment on April 30 by his father.  The Capital Times said he died following a sudden illness.

     Jim was AAW's treasurer and was in charge of reproducing and mailing Reasonings.  He worked for the Pleasant Company where he was one of two people in charge of stocking up the American Girl dolls for their massive Christmas sales.  He liked the work because it was in a usually relaxed, clean, climate controlled warehouse where he was away from the factory and could listen to music all day.

     Jim grew up in Madison, where he graduated from Middleton High School in 1967.  For a time he served in the U.S. Army in Thailand.  Jim's father, Robert "Bob" Behling and his sister, Joan, still live in Middleton.  It was here they held Jim's memorial service.

      I arrived at the funeral home just before 2:00 p.m. and, as I entered the funeral home, saw the Lutheran minister in charge, standing near the door.  I told him I was a friend of Jim's and would like to say a few words.  He said it was fine with me, but I should ask Jim's father.  I then got into the receiving line where Jim's father was.  I shook Mr. Behling's hand and told him I was a friend of Jim's and would like to say a few words.  He said it was fine with him as long as the minister said it was OK.

     The minister began with typical god-talk, then read the obituary, word for word, from the local paper.  Then he  announced that one of Jim's friends (me) wished to say a few words.

     I went up to the podium and said that I was a good friend of Jim, that I'd known him for three years and lived about two blocks away from his apartment.  I said I'd met Jim through WYOU where he learned about our group, the Atheists and Agnostics of Wisconsin.  I explained, "Jim was not religious.  He was the treasurer of our group.  He also mailed out our newsletter and was constantly on me to get the final proof done sooner."  I said he was involved with our booth at the Wisconsin State Fair, working on it beforehand.

     I then read the following article that Jim had recently submitted to Reasonings.
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Do You Believe in Freedom?
by Jim Behling

     Do you believe in freedom?  Politically, I mean.  Do you believe in granting legal freedom, liberty, to everyone else, like we do here in America?  Are you willing to allow any or everyone else the right to choose how they express their life and their love, like you would want for yourself?

     Do you believe in free will?  Are we born with the right to a potential to make our own choices?  Do not miss the key word "free."  This means an infinity of options.  YOU CANNOT define someone else's life, nor their love.

     Religious fundamentalists are afraid of this much freedom because they fear the will to evil.  Fundamentalists claim a preemptive "will of god" that describes their set of choices.  They would impose that finite set of choices on others.  They then hope that the structure of government, of culture, of sexual roles, even of diet, will make it easy to recognize, then condemn or convert deviance or deviants, even if merely out of xenophobia.  But, if you try to define the limits of an open system you have merely described a larger closed system.

     Fundamentalists, like fascists, might stifle the best and the brightest of the human imagination because of their own fear of the future, and of evolution.  Some people need a universal mythos to generate a moral imperative.

     There are two kinds of people in the world: one, and the other.  YOU chose: competition, or cooperation.  We must take the higher moral ground of understanding, empathy, tolerance, kindness in order to live a love of our common humanity.

     Punctuation: You can't have freedom without justice.  And justice is "just us."  We all are all we have.
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The Memorial Continued

     Next, "I'd like to read one more thing.  It's a song by Ani DiFranco," (who was voted by MS Magazine as one of the 21 most influential women for the 21st century).  "She got tired of the big corporate structure and formed her own company called Righteous Babe Records.  The song's called, What if No One's Watching.

     "But before I read it, I have to explain — Jim and I exchanged music because of a common interest in avant-garde 1970s rock.  I recently found this song and had wanted to share it with Jim."  (I actually obtained the CD on the day Jim was found).  "Also, you have to understand — Jim loved to collect movies.  His apartment is literally filled with 1000s of movies on video cassette.  It was his greatest passion."
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What If No One's Watching
by Ani DiFranco from her (1992) album Imperfectly.

     If my life were a movie, there would be a sunset, and the camera would pan away, but the sky is just a little sister, tagging along behind the buildings, trying to imitate their grey.

     The little boys are breaking bottles, along the sidewalk, the big boys, too.  The girls are hanging out at the candy store, pumping quarters into the phone, 'cause they don't want to go home.

     And I think,  What if no one's watching, what if when we're dead, we're just dead.  What if it's just us down here, what if god ain't looking down, what if he's looking up instead.

     If my life were a movie,  I would light a cigarette, and the smoke would curl around my face.  Everything I do would be interesting, I'd play the good guy, in every scene.  But I always feel I have to take a stand, and there's always someone on hand, to hate me for standing there.  I always feel I have to open my mouth, and every time I do, I offend someone, somewhere.

     But what, what if no one's watching, what if when we're dead, we're just dead.  What if there's no time to lose, what if there's things we gotta do, things that need to be said.

     You know I can't apologize, for everything I know.  I mean you don't have to agree with me, but once you get me going you better just let me go. We have to be able to criticize, what we love, say what we have to say.  'Cause if you're not trying to make something better, as far as I can tell  you're just in the way.

     I mean what, what if no one's watching, what if when we're dead, we're just dead.  What if it's just us down here, what if god is just an idea, someone put in your head.  I mean what, what if no one's watching, what if no one's watching.
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Memorial Conclusion

     I then sat down.  Following this, the minister tried to continue with his standard funeral proceedings, stumbling at first, then, slowly getting back into his grove.  He had us stand as he read from Romans about how when we're dead, we're not really dead.  He said in many different ways how Jim was with Jesus and how Jim's death reminds us that life is nothing compared to eternity.  Then he spoke to the family, reminding them that Jim had been baptized in the Lutheran church and saying to his dad that the love and support that he will receive from his family is a mirror of God's love for him and his family.  He had those gather say the "Our Father..." and blessed those present who had accepted Jesus as their lord and savior.  Finally, people were allowed to file out.

     I was taken aback by how many people refused to have eye contact with me.  (I wondered if they were going to organize a lynching party!)  I proceeded to the table were the guest book was and there I put 30 copies of Jim's sermonette, which also had a small picture of his face -- the last know picture of him -- from the photo shown below.
 

Jeff Reese , Carol Smith, Mark Shahan, Jim Behling,  Tom Koslovski, David Perry and Dennis Coyier (standing)

The minister approached me and said he wanted to speak with me privately.  I said I would do so after I signed the guest book. We then went to the coat room where he let into me, telling me that it was totally inappropriate to use this memorial as a forum to express my beliefs; that this was a memorial for Jim's father and sister and was not about Jim's beliefs.  I said I was glad he was there for the family, but this didn't stop his chastising.  He said if we wanted to have our own memorial we should do so elsewhere — that I'd deeply hurt the family by my remarks.      When I returned to the mourners, I was approached by a woman who told me she was Jim's biological sister, Judi, from Minneapolis, and that Jim had been adopted.  Jim had only located his biological family in the last few years.

     She thanked me for the comments I made and asked for a copy of Jim's article.  She said that Jim loved to argue about religion and ethics with her husband at their family gatherings, often late into the morning.  She said, "Jim was a gifted person.  You had to listen very closely to what he said because of his command of the language.  He could sit down and do the New York Times crossword puzzle in about 10 minutes."

     After a short time, we were joined by Joan, the sister Jim was raised with.  She also asked for a copy of the article and asked for a copy of the Ani DiFranco song lyrics. I gave her the originals.  Both sisters talked with me for a while and made me feel glad that I'd spoken at the memorial.  I truly believe that Jim would have wanted me to do this and that the truth is usually best, even when it is painfully true.
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The Dying Atheist
Anon

Now closed around the deepening shades of death
And life with all its glory fades away,
Ere long those lips will yield the expiring breath,
And this worn frame be given to decay.

Such is the lot of everything that lives,
From humble worm to intellectual man;
Thus fades the flower that freshening fragrance gives,
Thus all things end even as all things began.

'Tis folly to ignore the many links
Which bind all creatures in one vast embrace,
Yet human pride in righteous horror shrinks
From owning kindred with the lower race.

But as from germs doth spring all life around,
So man from nobler germs his being draws,
With all his genius - all his thoughts profound,
He yet must yield himself to Nature's laws.

Like frailest form of life that crawls the earth,
Man in his majesty must bow to fate,
And 'neath that ground which giveth all things birth,
Return at last to his primordial state.
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Nod to God: Politicians & the 10 Commandments
by Curtis A. Peterson

[This article is part of the excellent coverage in Freethought Today, newspaper of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, concerning Wisconsin's unconstitutional Ten Commandments monuments.]

      On March 27, 2002 a small crowd gathered in downtown Milwaukee to witness the removal of a monument containing the Ten Commandments from city property where it had stood since l955. The ceremony began with remarks by Alderman Jeff Pawlinski serving as spokesman for the Milwaukee Common Council. The events of this day came about because the Supreme Court refused to hear an appeal from the 7th Circuit Court of Appeals declaring such monuments to be violations of the First Amendment to the Constitution. Disagreeing with the Court but bowing to it, Pawlinski nevertheless lamented the necessary removal of the monument and its return to the Fraternal Order of Eagles, which donated the monument in l955 in a ceremony with actor Yul Brynner to promote the movie "The Ten Commandments."  Eagles officials and politicians mourned the "sad" day and pointed the finger of blame at the "notorious Freedom From Religion Foundation," which brought the lawsuit resulting in its removal.  In making such an apparently obligatory "nod to god," they understand neither the Ten Commandments nor the First Amendment.

     Don Runnells, a spokesman for the Eagles, insisted, "This has nothing to do with religion. It's about morals." Every Christian and Jew in the country ought to cringe at such nonsense.  According to Exodus 20 and Deut. 5, the Decalogue was given as a covenant between God and Israel, the equivalent of a treaty between a King and a  lesser lord who owed him loyalty.

     The Ten Commandments begin with the statement "I am the LORD [YAHWEH] your God who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery." Whatever else the commandments are, they are a profound statement of faith, with each precept a stipulation of a covenant.  They were never intended as mere "universal principles" acceptable to all people everywhere as Stan Thompson of the Fraternal Order of Eagles asserted.

     Alderman Pawlinski declared that the commandments are "the foundation of our nation's laws and the very structure of our society." Yet, only three of the commandments (on murder, theft and perjury) deal with modern law. It is not, after all, illegal to "have any other gods," to "misuse the name of the LORD," or to work  on the Sabbath (Saturday) - unless "blue laws" dictate otherwise.  It's not even illegal, in spite of personal moral scruples, to dishonor your parents, commit adultery or to "covet your neighbor's house." In a free state, the government has no right to make rules on those matters.

     This monument contains not only the Decalogue, but also two stars of David and a Chi Rho symbol, the liturgical symbol of Christ using the first two letters of the Greek word for Christ. In effect, therefore, the monument promotes ("establishes") two religions.  Those of other religions or of none at all are pointedly ignored. It is also significant that the Commandments are listed by the Catholic/Lutheran numbering, incorporating the stipulation about idols or graven images (the second commandment to most Protestants) into the first and makes two coveting commandments. A monument containing the 10 Commandments in Dallas, Memphis or Charlotte would likely have the Protestant numbering, listing a separate commandment on "graven images" and only one on coveting. Therefore the monument not only endorses the Judeo-Christian tradition, but a particular form of the Christian religion.

     The best statement of the day was made by Alderman Don Richards who said that American liberty is best seen in the freedom of the group gathered there to speak their minds on the issues involved. On the other hand, Common Council President Marvin Pratt rubbed salt in the wounds of those upholding the constitutional separation of church and state by declaring that from now on the Milwaukee Common Council will begin with prayer.

     In his official remarks, Alderman Pawlinski stated that this monument "inspired those who passed by City Hall in the past half century " and that it will continue to "comfort" visitors at its new location at St. Joseph's Hospital.

     As one trained in Lutheran theology, I winced at the notion that this monument was meant to comfort and inspire people.  A Lutheran axiom asserts the "law always accuses" (lex semper accusat).  Paul in Romans says the "law brings wrath.  And where there is no law there is no transgression" (4:15) and in 3:20, "Therefore no one will be declared righteous in his [God's] sight by observing the law; rather through the law we become conscious of sin."  The fundamental theological purpose of the law in the New Testament, especially in Paul's theology, is to condemn sinners and to drive them to Christ.  To find comfort and inspiration in the Ten Commandments, therefore, on the Bible's own terms, is to find comfort in God's condemnation to mankind for violating the commandments.  Far from being an inspiration or comfort to all those who pass by, they condemn to hell all those who do not live up to the commandments by thought, word and deed! Those who reduce the Decalogue to a statement of governing principles insult the original purpose of those commandments. Every Jew and every Christian, let alone every unbeliever ought to protest against such a misuse.

     In Luther's catechetical explanation of the Ten Commandments, each command began with the expression "We should fear and love God..."  as in the (Lutheran/Catholic) fifth commandment where Luther says "We should fear and love God, and so we should not endanger our  neighbor's life, nor cause him any harm, but help and befriend him in every necessity of life." The Decalogue is essentially a religious document.

     The Courts of the land, therefore, have it absolutely right:  to post the Ten Commandments or to endorse them is to establish a religion.  The First Amendment speaks precisely to this when it says, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion."

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"Nothing can be mysterious enough  to become an explanation."  - Robert G. Ingersoll  North American Review, Sept 1899

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If I Were to Write  My Own Eulogy **
by Aaron Hiller - 1920-1997

     As each life-sustaining  heartbeat faithfully follows  one another, It seems to feel  imperceptibly weaker than its  predecessor. And as my head  feels lighter, I am tempted to  wonder,  Whether my brain  cells are sloughing off to some  final destination. But before  they all disappear into an eerie  nothingness, I feel compelled  [to share] some somewhat  holy thoughts, since now, at seventy-four years, I don't have many more years.

     I guess I am an unbeliever, scoffer, skeptic, heretic! When I find Truth in Holy Nature, while you find Truth in Holy Writ. Eyes to see and mind to reason -- thinker, prober, prying brain; Are gifts bestowed for understanding whence the lightning, why the rain?

     Some see God in Holy Scripture's every word and every line. That's one way of showing reverence, it may be theirs, it isn't mine.  The Bible's words, the true summation: "Love thy neighbor as thyself" Encompasses my heart's religion, brings me hope and mental health.

     "Justice, mercy," Micah's pleading: "walk thou humbly with thy God," Are to me more sufficient than the Eucharist or Aaron's rod. The rest is simply commentary, dogma, doctrine, man-made rules, Roots of bloodshed, war and murder -- words turned into power tools.

     Use your brain -- God's sacred blessing, Revelation's all about. Study God revealed in Nature; conquer sickness, famine, drought. Trinities and virgin birthings based on ancient pagan myth, Are enemies of reason, used to snare the faithful with.

     Resurrections, sins of babies, added to what Matthew heard, Caused a mighty transformation -- changed the book from word to Word. I know I am an unbeliever, doubter, seeker, maverick!  When I find Truth in Holy Nature while you depend on Holy Writ.

** Aaron did write his own Eulogy. This  was read by Aaron's son Jonathan at services held April 17, 1997 at The First Unitarian Universalist Church of Nashville, TN.