I am enlightened. I'm walking around town with a crucifix, leading a cow behind me while shouting "mazeltov." That's how enlightened I am.

     The most amazing thing happened a few weeks ago. I talked to God. No kidding. I've never done anything like that before.

     I said, "God." I said, "I need your help. School is about to start, and I'm down here getting ready, and all I can think is that if only I had the courage, I would drop out of school, rebel against my parents' wishes and join the Peace Corps. If you could help me out here, I could really use your input. I work during the day so you can usually catch me in the evenings."

     A few nights later, God contacted me. I had been awake 56 straight hours because I was so paranoid I might miss His Calling. But finally, in the wee hours of my third straight sleepless night, I heard His Voice loud and clear.

     "Melissa?"

     I immediately recognized the strange male voice in my otherwise empty apartment as the Word of God.   "God!" I said. "God! It's really you! You really exist!"

     "Si," He said. "Pero solo hablo espanol."

     "Excuse me?"

     "Oh nothing," God said. "It's just a little joke."

     I was totally starstruck. "I can't believe I'm really talking to you, God! It's like ... Robert DeNiro. I mean, you're bigger than the Pope."

     I could hear thunderclouds rumbling outside.  "Let's keep to the matter at hand," He said. "I know you're interested in doing missionary work, but I think you would be ill-advised to take that up.  Ultimately, of course, it's up to you.  You're free to choose," He added with a chuckle.

     "But why, God? I think I have the skills necessary to really do some good. I'd like to help."  I know that one of God's most respectable traits is His honesty, but I wish He could have been a little more tactful.

     "Frankly, your interpersonal skills are weak, your morals are barometric, and your faith has been tainted by logic," He said. "I mean, up until five minutes ago, you weren't even convinced of my existence!"

     "But God! I'm a humanitarian. I love all people and desire to help them help themselves."

     "I really don't see it happening," He said.

     I was beside myself. Here it is, the word of God Himself, advising me not to pursue my lifelong dream.  "So, it's back to hitting the books at Bradley, then?" I asked, trying to make Him feel sorry for me.

     "Actually, might I suggest an alternative? Caterpillar Industries has a variety of exciting career opportunities available for students studying (I could hear pages ruffling) ... Liberal Arts and Sciences."

     "What are you talking about, God?" I asked Him, shocked. "It sounds like you're reading a press release. My God! You don't work for Caterpillar, do you?"

     "Oh, I freelance," He said. "You'd be surprised what the endorsement of an internationally recognized deity can do for sales."

     I had a lot of questions for God. I wanted to know what heaven was like and how long I would live and why bad things happen to good people. But He cut our conversation short.

     "Good luck. Remember what I said. I have things to attend to," He said.

     And then He was gone. I've decided He was probably right. I've always been a pretty half-assed humanitarian, anyway.

     On the other hand, maybe it was all a big fluke. I mean, would God really dangle a preposition?

This piece was written by Melissa Hunsberger
from South Bend, IN, when she was a junior
English major at Bradley University. Since she
wrote this, God ceased all communication with her
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      Dr. Mohammed Younis Shaikh (pictured above) was condemned to death for blasphemy by a district court in Islamabad, Pakistan, on August 18. This British educated physician and founder of Pakistan's first rationalist organization, The Enlightenment, sits in a primitive death cell so small he can barely stand. His fate is reminiscent of the ferocity of medieval religious fanaticism.  Hundreds of prisoners accused of blasphemy languish in these cells. Most are Muslims, some are Christians. Dr. Shaikh is nonreligious, apparently an atheist, interested only, judging by his record, in human rights, peace, and justice. All of these prisoners, like Dr. Shaikh, said something interpreted as disrespectful of Mohammed.

      Dr. Shaikh's "blasphemy" apparently consisted of answering a student's question during a routine medical lecture in physiology. He said the prophet Mohammed could not have been a Muslim, nor circumcised, before the age of 40 (that is, before his first revelation), nor could his parents have been Muslims then. This statement of the obvious infuriated the fanatics involved in "The Movement for the Finality of the Prophet" and the pursuit of blood vengeance was on.

      Dr. Shaikh was given a week to appeal the conviction instead of the usual 30 days. His time is running out. Meanwhile, as in the days of Hitler's rise to power, the world governments sit back and do nothing. Where is the United Nations? Where are the economic sanctions? Where are the blockades?  The fanatics are running amok in Pakistan and Afghanistan and the world community yawns. We readily fight for oil but seldom if ever for human beings.

      Atheist Alliance International, along with religion-free organizations around the world, calls for an end to this barbarity. We have had centuries of this sort of thing. We have hoped that, with the rise of the concept of state-church separation, it would end. But the end is not in sight. Surely the many decent believers in Islam must be horrified at what is happening in Pakistan and Afghanistan. Like Christianity's bloody history, an Islamic history is being created that will be difficult to live down. We call on those good people to protest vigorously the damage being done by the fanatics.

      The Islamic world appears slow to learn the lessons of history-that religious beliefs can never justify injustice and cruelty and the unctuous inhumanity of claiming one is doing "God's will." When people become too religious to care about hurting others, it is time to stop respecting their beliefs and start taking action to protect what little progress in human rights humanity has achieved thus far.

      President Bush's decision to limit stem-cell research to stem-cells taken from embryos that are already dead is indeed short-sighted.  The fact that there are many surplus unused in-vitro embryos available for stem-cell research that will die anyhow seems to me a horrible waste if not used for the benefit of humanity.

      How is it we can accept the idea of "collateral damage when innocent civilians are killed in warfare when the greater good is involved but we cannot accept the concept of "collateral damage" when use of existing embryos for in-vitro fertilization are no longer needed. Does not the concept of the "greater good" apply here?

      So we don't create embryos for stem-cell research, but the federal government should fund stem-cell research on embryos that were NOT created for that purpose.

      It is indeed sad that in this era of scientific and medical progress made possible by the marvelous advances in bio-technology and other fields that President Bush has chosen to sacrifice the health and future happiness of the human race on the altar of ecclesiastical superstition and ignorance.

      For some reason the world's orthodox religious moralists have always supported the mass slaughter of humanity known as war.

      Humans are obviously expendable while "every embryo is sacred."

- Robert E. Nordlander
e-mail: nord@famvid.com
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Letters to the Editor

Dear Editor,

     The Bush administration's grand scheme to give federal money to religious social services has me concerned.  Forty-seven billion dollars will go to 10 social service areas that will allow "faith-based" providers.  Among the programs are juvenile justice, housing, services for the elderly, child abuse, domestic violence, drug and alcohol treatment, and after-school programs.

     Now, since our government can't give money directly to religious organizations, as that would be unconstitutional, vouchers will be adopted.  Tax funded vouchers for people in need, or their care givers, will be used to obtain services from secular or religious organizations.

     Secular organizations and non-religious private companies that now receive direct funding for social services must obey federal laws requiring equal employment hiring, treatment standards, evaluation of outcomes, and the like.  Because the government can't regulate religion, faith-based charities won't have to follow these laws.

     Most important, because of using vouchers, religious indoctrination can be a mandatory treatment requirement and constitute any amount of the services provided.  Are you ready to trust in the unregulated "social services" of all the other religious sects?  How will the followers of "the one true religion" respond once they're well funded?

- Jim Dew
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