From the Weekly World News...

               SAVANNAH, Ga.-- Your computer may be possessed
               by a demon, a leading minister warns.

               "While the Computer Age has ushered in many
               advances, it has also opened yet another door
               through which Lucifer and his minions can enter and
               corrupt men's souls," said the Reverend Jim
               Peasboro, author of an upcoming book, The Devil in
               the Machine.

               Demons are able to possess anything with a brain,
               from a chicken to a human being. And today's
               thinking machines have enough space on their hard
               drives to accommodate Satan or his pals.

               "Any PC built after 1985 has the storage capacity to
               house an evil spirit," the minister confirmed. The
               Savannah clergyman says he became aware of the
               problem from counseling churchgoers.

               "I learned that many members of my congregation
               became in touch with a dark force whenever they
               used their computers," he said. "Decent, happily
               married family men were drawn irresistibly to
               pornographic websites and forced to witness
               unspeakable abominations.

               "Housewives who had never expressed an impure
               thought were entering Internet chat rooms and found
               themselves spewing foul, debasing language they
               would never use normally.

               "One woman wept as she confessed to me, 'I feel
               when I'm on the computer as if someone else or
               something else just takes over.'"

               The minister said he probed one such case, actually
               logging onto the parishioner's computer himself.  To
               his surprise, an artificial intelligence program fired
               up -- without him clicking it on. "The program began
               talking directly to me, openly mocked me," he recalls.
               "It typed out, 'Preacher, you are a weakling and your
               God is a damn liar.'"

               Then the device went haywire and started printing out
               what looked like gobbledygook.

               "I later had an expert in dead languages examine the
               text," the minister said. "It turned out to be a stream of
               obscenities written in a 2,800-year-old
               Mesopotamian dialect!"

               Since, then, Rev. Peasboro has researched the
               problem further and uncovered alarming facts. "I
               learned most of the youths involved in school
               shootings like the tragedy at Columbine were
               computer buffs," he said. "I have no doubt that
               computer demons exerted an influence on them."

               The minister estimates that one in 10 computers in
               America now houses some type of evil spirit. Rev.
               Peasboro advises that if you suspect your computer
               is possessed, you consult a clergyman or, if the
               computer is still under warranty, take it in for
               servicing. He says, "Technicians can replace the
               hard drive and reinstall the software, getting rid of the
               wicked spirit permanently."