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THE FAMILY ISSUES INTERVIEW: AUGUST 2002
This is the fourth in a monthly series of interviews with freethinking parents. Lloyd Kumley is a founding member and current President of the Humanist Association of Salem (Oregon). In 1978 he was one of the founders of the Family of Humanists and served 12 years on the national board of the American Humanist Association and 8 years as Secretary and then Chair of the AHA's Chapter Assembly. He has run for the Oregon State Legislature, finishing second both times. He is the father of 2 girls: Margaret (22) and Karen (19). FI: You've called yourself a "modern humanist." Can you define that and give us an idea of your philosophical beliefs? LK:: I call myself a modern humanist and use the following definitions I've modified and developed over the years: Humanism is a process of continuing, free inquiry which applies human reason and the methods of science to the search for knowledge and its applications to life. It is an unending questioning of basic assumptions and convictions so that no area of thought exists which we are unwilling to explore. (modified by Lloyd Kumley-1988) Modern Humanism is a process of continuing inquiry which supports, at present: 1. A naturalistic approach to the universe, 2. Ethics based on human experience, 3. Knowledge from use of reason and the scientific method, but applied with compassion and empathy, 4. Democracy, with all individual and social freedoms, 5. Humanitarianism, 6. For all humankind.* Lloyd Kumley (updated 1995) FI:: Your daughters are young adults now, so I assume they are well aware of your beliefs. LK:: Yes. I've discussed my approach to life with my children from early in their lives. In fact, my eldest is one of the authors of Humanism For Kids, which has articles about discussions on important topics various humanist parents and I have had with our children. Margaret and I did our first article on a discussion when she was about 5. They know my approach and generally agree, but differ with me on specific issues from time to time. FI:: Are there any significant differences between your views and your wife's? LK:: I've been divorced for 3 years, but my ex-spouse and I agreed on most matters. She felt more comfortable with UU's and found several of the local humanists I organized into a group to be arrogant. She was correct, but I found other attributes of value that overshadowed some shortcomings. I would say she is more tolerant than I of fuzzy thinking that is hidden behind buzz words, such as "spirituality" and "worship". FI:: Were there any issues around the holidays as your kids were growing up? LK:: My wife wants to continue with traditions the way they were when she was a child, such as Christmas, whereas I want to customize and improve them, into Winter Solstice celebrations, for example. FI:: On a serious note: you mentioned to me that your daughter Margaret experienced a tragic loss in high school. LK:: Yes. Her best friend died from cancer while in their junior year of high school. FI:: Can you describe how she dealt with that in the absence of religious consolation? LK:: Margaret was able to deal with the issue satisfactorily and saw the death as the end of her friend's life, without any supernatural aspects to it. Margaret's friend was a very "religious" protestant. I found it fascinating and healthy that they could adhere strongly to their disparate philosophies, while remaining the dearest of friends. FI:: What is the prevalence of religion in your extended family, and how did you as parents deal with any dissonance there? LK:: My spouse and I were very open about religion. There is a schism in our extended family between the Christian Fundamentalist majority and the slightly less numerous humanist minority. Because my children, spouse and I question their claims, my parents excluded us from family gatherings on "religious" holidays- Xmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, etc. FI:: That must have been very difficult. LK:: Well, my children were thereby deprived of some interaction with grandparents and cousins. Also, in Oregon, the rights of gays and lesbians has been an issue for many years and in several elections. My children were strong in their support of minorities on these matters and were shunned by some of their peers and extended family members as a result, during their middle school and high school years. They are more loners than might be the case otherwise, but they are also less likely to blindly follow their peers. FI:: What would you say have been the biggest difficulties or disappointments of freethought parenting? LK:: I suppose being part of the humanist / freethinking minority has caused my children not to have as large a number of friends and acquaintances in their age groups, as I did when I was raised. I recall having a large extended family and a good sized youth group to do activities with. I wish my children had had that opportunity as well, but matters developed differently for them. One outcome of the family schism and my father's homophobia and racism, is that my eldest chose to legally change her name so she does not carry my father's last name any longer. FI:: I'd think the family schism and your perception that your daughters missed out on something socially fueled your desire to co-found the Family of Humanists. What is the Family of Humanists all about, and how did you come to be associated with it? LK:: In 1978 I was one of the founders of the Family of Humanists, which seeks to bring humanism to the lives of youth and their parents by sponsoring youth activities at various humanist conferences, and publishing literature for youth and parents, including booklets: Humanism For Kids, and Why Evolution?, and a monthly newsletter. |
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