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THE FAMILY ISSUES INTERVIEW: SEPTEMBER 2002
This is the fifth in a monthly series of interviews with freethinking parents. Steven Mahone, 43, is a U.S. Navy veteran and an engineering graduate from The University of Colorado, with 17 years work experience as a microwave engineer and as a communications software specialist. He is currently a board member of the Freethinkers of Colorado Springs. He has a twelve-year old daughter and a five-year old son. FI: You are a freethinker, and your wife is Catholic, is that correct? SM: Yes, my wife, Sara, was raised as a moderately strict Catholic, though her parents were much more reasonable than they were dogmatic. And I have been a freethinker ever since age 14, albeit mostly a silent one until the last couple of years. FI: What happened at that age to make you a freethinker? SM: I was raised in a very liberal protestant environment --- that is until our church hired a new pastor. At the age of 14, I attended the first service of the newly arrived reverend and it was a message filled with warnings of fire and brimstone and urgent advice to repent of all your wrongdoings at the earliest possible moment! His words made me think very deeply about such things that night -- but strangely, in the solitude and darkness of my room that evening, I had no trouble falling asleep. I had come to the startling conclusion that the pastor had no idea what he was talking about and I was quite relieved to discover that I had no fear of his ramblings. FI: When and how did you first discuss religious issues with your kids? SM: My daughter arrived home from third grade as usual one day, yet something was amiss. She was upset and refused to talk about it with either me or my wife, which, of course, was very troubling to both of us. Bedtime that evening brought out the details of my daughter's anguish. "Dad", she finally confided, "I'm going to go to hell." It turned out that a classmate of hers had told her that Catholics weren't "true" Christians and that they wouldn't be saved when Jesus returns. FI: And what did your wife have to say about that? SM: Sara was even more incensed than me. It was at that moment we made a joint decision to NOT perpetuate the same old superstitions and myths we had inherited without a logical reevaluation of the message first. Our daughter (and, later, our son) has shown much appreciation for having the "permission" to skeptically evaluate the claims of others. FI: So have there been any difficult religious issues in the marriage itself? SM: I agreed to be married Catholic, not because I was concerned that Sara would object to something more neutral, but because I loved her regardless of who officiated the ceremony. Our children, we figured, would be raised with the best that both of our "spiritual" worlds could offer. And now, after 17 years, our marriage has never been stronger. My wife has taught me to be very respectful of the beliefs of others and she has learned from me that it's okay to speak out against unsubstantiated "wife's tales." Hopefully it doesn't sound like a clichˇ, but our differences have made us both stronger. I defend her (up to a point) and she defends me (up to a point). We make a good team. FI: Have your children ever experienced the death of a loved one? SM: Fortunately, we've had no truly tragic circumstances to deal with yet. FI: How do you plan to handle whatever may arise in the future regarding the topic of death? SM: We've broached the subject of death with our children on several occasions and both my wife and I have stressed that death is not the end of the "journey." We tell them that all life will eventually end in death, but the accomplishments and the memory of that life will reach out for as long as it's necessary. I've always been partial to Epicurus' take on the matter: "Why should I fear death? If death is, then I am not. If I am, then death is not. Why should I fear that which cannot exist while I do?" Sara, on the other hand, is still fond of telling our children that "we'll meet again ... somehow, somewhere." I can't say that I hope she's wrong, but I couldn't love my kids anymore in the next life than I do now, so that's the best I can do when faced with either circumstance. FI: And IÕm guessing you and Sara have worked out the question of organized religion with your kids. Do they go to Sunday School, to church? SM: Our daughter has attended mass on several occasions with her grandfather (a wonderful man, by the way!). My wife and I also gave her our permission to attend a Saturday night "youth group" with one of her protestant friends. The real world is filled with religious people, some are good and some are not so good and I would rather she have all the exposure she wants than be too restrictive. All of this, of course, while we can still discuss it with her and help her to make sense of it all. My son is now in kindergarten and on the first day of class he discovered that one of his classmates is a Buddhist and one is a Muslim (they had to bring an important cultural item on their first day of class.) He's already asked us what such things mean, so it was the perfect opportunity for us to tell him the truth! FI: You are very active in Freethinkers of Colorado Springs. Tell us about that group. SM: The Freethinkers of Colorado Springs was formed in 1993 as an outcrop of Amendment 2 (the so called "anti-gay rights amendment"). The local skeptics, atheists, agnostics, rationalists, and humanists united in their opposition to the amendment and The Freethinkers of Colorado Springs was the result. By the way, Amendment 2 was approved by Colorado voters but was later overturned by the Supreme Court. I have been a member of FTCS for the past three years and became their spokesperson a little over a year ago. It's been a great experience! FI: I know that Colorado Springs is a particular focal point of evangelical religious neo-conservatism. Any special challenges or opportunities as a freethinker in that environment? SM: The challenge, of course, is that the Freethinkers of Colorado Springs has no shortage of opportunities but very little in the way of monetary resources. But we do our best with what we have and since we are one of the few voices offering an alternative perspective in the area, that in itself gets us noticed. Most of the Christian organizations that are headquartered here (13 at last count) are national, so their effect locally is not much different than it is in Cincinnati or Portland. "Getting the word out" is all about persistence and motivation, and that holds true whether it's Colorado Springs or Duluth, Minnesota. |
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