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THE FAMILY ISSUES INTERVIEW: MAY 2003
This is the eighth in an occasional series of interviews with freethinking parents. Brandon Haught, 32, is a journalist and graphic designer living in a small town in western North Carolina. For twelve years he was in the Marine Corps on a variety of assignments. In addition to his regular job, Brandon writes a weekly column on critical thinking issues for his local paper and is a regular contributor to the AtheistParents.org website. Brandon and his wife Julie have an eleven-year old daughter (Hailey) and a nine-year old son (Caleb). FI: North Carolina wasn't always home to you, is that right? BH: No, that's right. I was born and raised in Ohio where my folks and only brother still live. While in the Marines I traveled all around the world. And I will be packing up and heading for the Sunshine State (FL) later this year to be near my wife's family and better job opportunities for both of us. FI: Are you sorry to leave North Carolina? BH: We love the mountains here, but the economy was sinking when we got here two years ago and it's getting worse fast. Can't live on fresh mountain air alone, if ya know what I mean. FI: Tell us some more about yourself and your background. BH: I have two cats, a dead car, and entirely too many bills. I play chess nearly every day, I am writing all the time, I read lots of history and I love goofing off with PhotoShop when I get the chance. Not exactly the most physically demanding life, but I try to walk off my developing gut every day too. FI: And professional history --- quite a variety, it seems. BH: Yes. Wandered more or less lost through high school without a clear future goal in mind. Perfect target for military recruiters, eh? Originally signed up for the Army, but due to a fluke in job placement I wound up joining the Marine Corps instead. I feel that was a positive turn of events! I became a Marine Corps Combat Correspondent. I was a journalist, photographer, editor, and public relations specialist all rolled up into one. I traveled quite a bit around the world: Japan, Spain, Israel, Egypt, Panama, and other countries, and all across the great U.S. of A! FI: So current events must have particular resonance for you. BH: I know first-hand about terrorism. I worked on the 6th floor of the Oklahoma City Federal Building. When a truck bomb destroyed it, I lost a lot of friends and acquaintances. I was very fortunate to have not been there that morning; I usually was there on any other given day. So, as war with Saddam kicks off and Saddam starts yakking about terrorism, I get nervous. I'm not interested in seeing dead friends again. After 12 years in the Corps, I decided it was time to get a job where I could be home every night. So, we packed up and headed to the mountains to see what was in store for us there. I applied for a job at the only local paper and wound up as a graphic designer in the advertising dept. It's a decent job, but I would rather have done something in the newsroom; there were no openings available then, though. FI: So how'd you end up writing a column? BH: I still wanted to write so I asked the editor if he would mind my writing a column every now and then. He asked me what day I wanted. I was kinda shocked; I had no intention of writing something every week, but I figured 'what the heck.' I got a slot every Wednesday on the op/ed page. I use that public voice to try to educate folks a bit as best as I can. I talk about aliens, TV psychics, people burning Harry Potter books, and urban myths. I mix in with that stuff some general observations about human nature and funny stories about things that have happened to me. But the main thrust of my material is debunking the goofy stuff and promoting science as best as I know how. I've written about evolution a few times --- boy did that go over like a lead balloon! I've written about controversial subjects without hearing a peep from my readers, but the mere mention of evolution brings people out of the woodwork. I get letters to the editor and mail and phone calls. It's strange what will set folks off. When I head to Florida I will be hunting down a job in journalism or writing and editing in some form. With any luck I'll find a publication willing to run my columns there. We'll see. FI: How would you describe your philosophical beliefs? BH: I'm an atheist. Period. I don't buy into all the other labels any more than I buy into political labels. I believe such labels automatically stick individuals into handy little compartments that the person may not quite fit into. I don't believe in any supernatural entity, whether it is the Christian God or Zeus. That's a straightforward and simple definition. I avoid any other label. FI: And you have two kids. Are they aware of your beliefs? BH: In general my kids know I don't believe in God, but I don't think it is anything that they find strange enough to put much thought into. Daddy doesn't go to church with them. So? I have to say I am relieved that it's not on their minds. One less hassle in life right now. FI: That won't last forever, probably. BH: I'm sure there will come a time when they finally will wonder what's up with pop. I don't push my views on them, but I will answer all of their questions forthrightly. That's a day I both look forward to and dread. I am eager to spread out my thoughts for them to mull over, and I am curious about what conclusions they will come to on their own about those thoughts, but I am nervous about the tempest that could arise in my marriage. FI: Why is that? BH: My wife is a Southern Baptist. I am an atheist. You could say we each feel we have our work cut out for us. FI: Were you raised in the church or out? BH: My parents apparently weren't religious. My mom tried a church or two when I was little, but she wasn't satisfied with what the churches offered and so she didn't bother anymore. I think she is a little religious, but certainly isn't a church kinda person. My dad occasionally talked about evolution with my brother and me, but he never really went much beyond that. I figure he is most likely an agnostic. So, throughout my childhood I was apathetic towards religion. I had very little exposure to it, and so I didn't give it any thought. FI: So how was the transition to married life? BH: When I got married, I went to church with my wife Julie every Sunday. I decided to give it an honest try and learn what it was all about. It didn't take me long to become disillusioned. I stuck with it, though, and I talked with various pastors and Sunday school teachers. But those people had nothing concrete to offer. They pointed to the Bible a lot, but never pointed at the brain. Nothing they said made sense. So, I decided to stop the charade. I announced to Julie that I was done with it all. FI: How'd she take it? BH: She didn't take it well. She was profoundly disappointed, but we rode out the bumpy road for a short while, and once we realized that our marriage was still just fine, life just went on. I attended church on special occasions, but otherwise stayed home Sunday mornings. For many years after that I considered myself an agnostic. I just couldn't bring myself to shake the feeling that there might be something out there. But then just a few years ago I stumbled across editor James Haught's Web site (to whom I'm unrelated, as far as I know). I read his material and followed links to other sites. Almost overnight I shifted all the way into being an atheist. The feeling that "something" might be watching over me disappeared. I felt wonderful relief and my mind seemed to sharpen. FI: That's a common feeling, I know. Bertrand Russell describes the same thing in his Autobiography. Once it's gone, total relief. So what was the bridge to activism, then? BH: A little while after that I started gradually getting more vocal. I wrote my columns about debunking myths and even wrote about atheists and publicly admitted to being one. I discovered AtheistParents.org and submitted articles there too. The marriage road developed a few potholes along the way. I bought a Skeptical Enquirer magazine and my wife asked if I bought things like that on purpose just to annoy her. I read something interesting to her out of a Carl Sagan book and she snapped, "Science doesn't have all the answers." I got a T-shirt from AtheistParents.org in return for the articles I submitted. I tucked it away in a drawer, not really hiding it, but not really having it out in the open either. She found it and was horrified. She had apparently never connected my lack of belief with the word atheist. That was tense day, but I purposely reacted calmly and matter of factly, which kept the situation in hand. The more vocal I get, the bumpier the road becomes. However, I have no intention of backing off any more than she has any intention of stopping attending church. FI: So how are things now? BH: Just fine. What keeps our marriage strong is respect. Without that, our marriage would have nose-dived long ago. Our love and sincere respect for one another helps see us through the tense times. My activity on behalf of atheists and reason is done on my own without directly involving her out of respect for her. Likewise, she rarely bugs me about attending church with her or anything else having to do with religion. I am lucky that she is not too deep into her faith. She goes to church and prays, but she is not evangelical. We have our differences, but we respect that on this issue we follow different paths. I am frustrated at times with her total belief in religion and many things supernatural, but I know she feels just as deep a frustration that I don't believe. I don't think either of us will ever convert to the other's view. As long as we maintain our respect, though, I am confident we'll be just fine. FI: Have the two of you had to help your kids deal with death yet on a personal level? BH: Fortunately, my children have yet to deal with death other than the passing of an occasional fish or hamster. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. FI: So what's the general plan of action regarding religion and your kids? BH: Well that's the one area that I can foresee causing trouble in my marriage: our kids and their religion. Since my wife is not too deep into her religion, and thus my kids are only weakly exposed to it, I don't bring up the subject with the kids. Church right now is just a place to be dragged off to on Sundays. They do religious crafts and sing whenever they attend Sunday school, which is not more than once a month. The rest of the time they wind up sitting out in "big church" listening to the sermon. To summarize their experience there: boring. I have no problem with letting that experience mold their views on church. ~LOL~ However, the day will come when I discuss being an atheist with them. I won't hold back. They will ask and I will answer. This will be the real test of respect in marriage, because the respect will then expand to include the children. How will my wife react? What will my kids take away from our talk? What if one or both of them decides to dump religion? This is one of those times when having a crystal ball handy would be nice. With all of that said, let me make it clear that we have been happily married for almost ten years, so we must be doing something right. Keep in mind that this interview is about atheism and how it affects my family, and so I talked quite a bit about my marriage from that perspective. In the grand scheme of things, though, religion and atheism only play minor roles in our family life right now. I definitely don't want to give the wrong impression of my wife. FI: Sure, I understand. Any other thoughts on the issue of parenting from an atheist perspective? BH: I don't think of parenting from the point of view of an atheist. Atheism is just one aspect of a whole person. What I want most for my kids is that they learn all they possibly can, that they think for themselves, and most importantly that they are comfortable with who they are. I don't think those hopes are the sole property of atheists by any means. Yes, I do hope that at some point they shake loose the shackles of religion, but even if they don't, as long as they don't let anyone do their thinking for them, I'll be proud. FI: And what are the long-term plans for your own activism? BH: I plan on becoming even more outspoken about religion over time. I think more voices of reason need to be heard, and I want to be one of those voices. I especially think that families across the country need help when religion and atheism mix. I've heard countless tales of spouses fighting tooth and nail about religion, spouses fighting about how to raise their kids from a religious standpoint, atheist teenagers dealing with religious parents, and atheist families dealing with religious relatives. Many atheists focus on church and state separation, or Intelligent Design in schools, or debating about the existence of God. It seems to me that little time and effort is given to providing support for atheists who have to deal with very personal and emotional issues. |
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